Anti-BED Drug Policy

For those wondering when I was going to post the Anti-BED Drug Policy, here you go.

Illegal drugs and blog/writing enhancement drugs that are banned for use in association with blogging on the internet in conjunction with the BED Drug Policy which covers the entire internet:

Bestblogsterone: This is a banned steroid that has been shown to help those to be the best in blogging rather than writing for the right reasons. Mood swings tend to change drastically after prolonged use, and the obsession to write better than other bloggers on the site takes over.

Viewogen: This banned blog steroid has been known to help illegally boost the number of blog views that a blogger would not necessarily receive otherwise. This steroid has been clinically tested on other human bloggers, and the results were a sudden increase in blog views. It is now a detectable steroid.

Plagobolan: A banned blog steroid that has been known to help increase the illegal copying and/or pasting of other bloggers and their writing. This blog/writing enhancement steroid is likely the easiest to recognize and detect.

Bashabol: A banned blog enhancer that has been known for the user to bash others at all times. Prolonged use of this steroid has proven to raise the heart rate as well as lead to hypertension. This is a very detectable enhancer as well.

Trolloise: A banned enhancer that increases the ability of a member to go off-topic or write irrelevantly on every blog. It also helps the user to fit in illegally in the community with those different posts. This is a very dangerous enhancer as it has been clinically proven to lead to extreme violence by the user taking them as well as those who associate with them.

Dehomertestosterone(DHT): Known mainly to be used by sports bloggers, this enhancer has helped bloggers write less objectively and lean heavily towards their favorite teams on all discussions. They illegally help their own cause by writing unobjectively about a matchup which further leads to violence and increased tension with others on the given topic.

IDentate: An enhancer that helps to boost the number of IDs that one member has. This can lead to thousands of uncontrollable IDs that can cause aggravation for the user taking them. If the user is able to save many IDs when they go to log onto the internet, then it is possible they are taking this enhancer which would be illegal in regards to writing blogs or commenting on others.

Contentolone Lengthate: This enhancer is not as detectable on the surface as the others. It helps the user to write more about the topic they are discussing as well as decreasing the length to do so. Normally, those taking this BED has written a lot of words on blogs without saying anything useful before. This could lead to writing less words which could be dangerous to one's health who is known to write in length no matter the content within. Again, this is a detectable drug, but the symptoms are not as noticed as others.

Insanelozol: This received FDA approval on January 31, 2008. David Funk currently takes this medication, and was banned from other communities at one time when it wasn't legal to use.

Postinol: This new BED was discovered after one such blogger returned better than ever at the end of 2009. It's widely known now to increase endurance on the number of blogs to post as well as quality of content. The blogger that was first discovered using this BED hasn't been as active of late which has alarmed many close to her that she might overdose on Postinol when she's more active later. Another blogger with blogging superpowers is said to have used this drug before, too!

They will be conducting random drug testing for all bloggers that visit on this blog from now on. Should you post something out of the ordinary or someone has a suspicion of you being on an illegal drug under the Anti-BED Drug Policy when you post a blog, you will be required to take the drug test. Yes, that means urine test if necessary. Failure to do so will lead to disciplinary action and/or suspension/banishment from your blog site. Sanctions will be imposed as need be, too. Here are the suspensions for those who test positive for any illegal drug or blog/writing enhancement drugs listed above:

Note: This is something that those in charge of the policy have no control over so if anyone suspects you of using a blog enhancer, then you could have legal issues brought against you for refusing to follow the procedure. Failure to cooperate with this procedure could lead to the following sanctions placed on your blog:

-A reduction in the amount of guests you can have on your blog for a calendar year.

-One or more years probation in having your blog advertised and linked anywhere in search engines! No other blogger or staff member can link your blog, or they will face disciplinary action if they do! BDP does and will not want to be liable for someone viewing an "illegal" blog.

-A reduction in the amount of pictures and subtitle wording that a blogger normally uses.

-A one year ban from writing about your favorite topics you discuss the most at the time of your offense. So don't think of changing your favorite topics because they'll be monitored at all times.

-Any other self-imposed penalty that the policy holders see fit.

-Should the policy holders not self-report any violation or member, this could lead to a punishment and/or penalty by the BDPC(Bloggers Drug Policy Committee), so no one is exempt from being punished.

-The BDPC reserves the right to those, who write blogs, to be drug tested as well. So all of you high-up bloggers aren't above the law either!

It would be wise to cooperate if you are called upon for this drug test or very stiff penalties or more could result.

Also, the BDPC reserves the right without any notice whatsoever to change the drug policy for the better well-being of the internet at any time.

Well, I am not sure if I am pleased that the Anti-BED Drug Policy is now up and running. However, this should help everyone, and as you can see, all of this is strictly enforced. This is a very serious matter that is in place to protect you all. Be sure to check the labels on everything you take or your blogging career on the internet may change forever and your reputation may never recover either.

And please, don't try the "I thought it was Canola or Flaxseed Oil" excuse either! I tried that one already!

Oh, and medias around the world picked up on this story pretty quickly:

First Commenters:

Posted in: BED Drug Policy, drug policy, drugs, humor

Reactions: