Note: This is fictional, and none of this is to be taken seriously. It is about BWE(Blog Wrestling Entertainment) in which bloggers are written into storylines. Some of the opinions expressed here are inside jokes amongst us as well. And yes, the locations and travel are NOT real.
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Note: The views expressed by BWE Blog Center are not necessarily the views of Google and its members, and any other major sporting site, magazine, or TV show.
Credits:
-Produced by Basic Bloganomics Productions.
-Written, directed, and hosted by David Funk.
Coming up next on BWE Blog Center......
-A brand new Filipina star signs with BWE! We'll have the latest!
-After serious contract negotiations, one of the great bloggers will be coming aboard to BWE Promotions! We'll let you know how it happened.
-Philly The Kid has called for a Press Conference live in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, USA! We'll take you there live as it happens!
-We'll have the latest signing news and so much more!
BWE Blog Center is live and it is on right now!(Cameras zoom into the studio)
Producers: 3....2....1....you're on!
Now from the Basic Bloganomics Studios in High Point, NC! Here's your host....our BWE CEO David Funk!!!!
Funk: Welcome everyone to BWE Blog Center! And welcome everyone to Basic Bloganomics Studios! We have much to get to here on BWE news. Coming up at the bottom of the hour, we'll take you live to Harrisburg, PA where my friend Philly The Kid has called for a press conference regarding BWE. I have no idea what it is about, but we'll take you there live as it happens!
On the recent edition of
EBW UnCut from the
ArnieV Civic Center in Catbalongan, Samar, Philippines, the owner expressed frustration and disappointment by not even being acknowledged in her own place on the show. Recently, Arnie did show an interest in being part of the promotion, and today she officially signed with BWE Throwdown!, and agreed to be an interviewer for the brand. Terms of the deal were not fully disclosed, but it is believed to be a multi-year deal. Arnie will be an interviewer on the upcoming BWE Throwdown! live from Kuching, Malaysia.
My opinion: Really, should I be shocked with this signing? Seriously
Paul H, what were you thinking? If you knew
"Anything About Life", you would have had this beautiful blogger on your brand without much trouble instead of you ignoring her very existence. Your loss and BWE's gain. I'm sure somewhere out there, BWE fans are already pre-ordering
Arnie merchandise. In fact, I understand models of the ArnieV Civic Center and action figure dolls are going to be sold at the BWE Gift Shop.
Shifting gears here, construction at the
Pynk Candy Arena in Kuching, Malaysia is coming on very well. It looks as if it will be complete by the end of the month in time for the show. From what I'm told, Pynk Candy Arena owner Sharon Chong will have many of her blogger friends in attendance at the event. The multi-facet facility will host the first ever event there when BWE Promotions takes their Asian Invasion tour to Malaysia. Those friends of Sharon that are to appear are not publicly known as of now.
Later on in the show, we'll go out live to Harrisburg, Pennsylvania for the live Press Conference with Philly The Kid! But coming up next....BWE Promotions has agreed to terms with another blogger after serious negotiations. BWE Blog Center will have the info when we return! Stay with us!
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(Cameras zoom in as Funk is back on the air)
Funk: Welcome back to BWE Blog Center! Without question, one of the biggest signings in BWE Promotions history has taken place today. We have learned that Ron Centeno has signed one of the richest contracts in BWE history after serious negotiations. The Filipino blogging star was eager to get a deal done after it appeared contract talks would break down. But today, he signed a lucrative contract with the promotion and is ready to make an impact. He's currently unavailable because of a busy schedule at the moment, but an announcement from him should be coming soon. The brand in which he will represent is not known as of now.
My opinion: I think for EBW's sake, Paul might regret wanting to put him on that brand of extreme entertainment should he want to do so. Why?
"In his own words", there will be a
"Fall of a Dictator" on that brand if that happens.
In other BWE news, blugging Pinay superstar
Maxi has went on record saying that she will be on the upcoming
Throwdown! event in Kuching, Malaysia. According to her, she blugged Pynk Candy Arena owner Sharon Chong into getting a ringside seat at the event after they became friends. Some other BWE female performers are looking to get ringside seats because they won't have to pay for them under contract with the promotion.
My opinion: It isn't good enough that she signed one of the richest contracts in history, and now she wants to watch it live in the front row to "blug" other fans and bloggers. Is this retaliation for me not paying for her flight out of Sweden? Perhaps I need to make a long-term investment of
Ovah Coffee, and have Maxi merchandise up for sale at the BWE Gift Shop because of the loss of money that I will have for not selling those seats in the front row! She'll still get her share because it's in her contract for allowing my blog to be featured on her site.
(Cameras look inside the press room at the empty podium in Harrisburg, PA)
Funk: There you see live inside the press room where Philly The Kid will be having his press conference. That's coming up later! When we return, one of the latest blogger signings to BWE will join us live via satellite! Back after this....
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(Cameras are back on the air)
Funk: Welcome back to BWE Blog Center! Last week in the BWE Newsletter, it was announced that twinks signed a contract with the promotion to become a wrestler. She has told me on Yahoo! Instant Messenger that she wants to be referred to as Twinks Blogula. She told me she stays up late at night all the time, and is often known to others as a vampire or Dracula. She has said that she sucks the blood out of bloggers and blogs which makes both unresponsive over time. Well, she joins us live via satellite from her home in the Philippines!
(Cameras show a dark room in the background as Twinks Blogula appears on screen)
Funk: Um....OK. Thanks for joining us Twinks.
(She has a laptop in front of her with blood coming out of her mouth)
Funk: Twinks Blogula, now that you've signed with BWE, what should we expect from you in the promotion?
NOTE: This is an actual quote from Twinks.
Twinks Blogula: Now that I've signed with BWE, expect Vampirism in the ring. There will be lots of throwing moves as well as kicks. With my high jumping ability, agility, and really good moves from the ropes I will restrain my opponent, and finish them off with my Slashdot Effect finishing move which will make them unresponsive. Lifeless, I will then feast on them, sucking the blood out of their systems. So be careful because behind this sweet smile hides a mesmerizing, ruthless vampire. When I get cornered I will turn to mist and show up on the other side of opponents when you least expect it.
Funk: WOW! I'm sure many bloggers and fans are waiting to see what kind of an impact you'll have in BWE. This is why you don't invade her
"writing space".
"The Artist In Me" sure did show with her here! Thanks for joining us Twinks Blogula.
(Blood is still seething out of her mouth)
Twinks: Thank you for having me.
In other news, BWE diva
Ria Stevenson will be unable to attend the upcoming BWE
Throwdown! in Malaysia due to the vacation in her native Philippines beginning on March 29. Since no date has been set as of now for the upcoming show, Ria's permission to start with the promotion in a couple of months has been granted by....well....me, the CEO of BWE Promotions. Ria has been training real hard in her spare time for in-ring competition, but this will have to wait for all her fans until she returns home from vacation. Ria signed with BWE
Throwdown! last month after negotiating a deal to not start with the company until after her vaction was complete.
My opinion: I think it will be well worth the wait for her to debut in BWE in a couple of months. The pink attire will fool many of her opponents, and those that underestimate her will have to seek
"Health, Nutrition, and Beauty Tips" in order to get their careers back on track. For the record, I think I may have found the right person to teach the underage bloggers of BWE after
"Exploring The World of Kids" from a mom who knows what she's doing.
Funk: OK, when return, Philly The Kid is ready to make his speech at the press conference live from Harrisburg, PA! Back after this!
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Funk: We are back on Blog Center. Philly The Kid has just stepped up to the podium and is ready to make his announcement to the press. So let's take you live to Harrisburg, PA in the USA for Philly The Kid's press conference!
NOTE: All the answers to the questions came from Philly The Kid(birdbrainz) himself, not from me.(Philly The Kid looks around and notices a few faces from the press listening on)
Philly The Kid: Thanks everyone for coming out here. I wanted to call this press conference because of some of the things I've seen in BWE Promotions of late. Actually, just one individual. For months, I've taken notice on BWE of the actions of the Blog Stalker. He disrespected people at the Flashjeff Forum in Philadelphia last year after beating IHateMillen in a match to qualify for the
Blogger's Rumble. I'm glad he lost to Flashjeff later on, but that still hasn't stopped him from stalking bloggers anonymously or just starting trouble. As you all know, I have signed with BWE
Throwdown!, and the Blog Stalker is on the same brand with me. So I called this press conference to issue a challenge to Blog Stalker in a match.
(Philly The Kid pauses)
Philly The Kid: No, no, no, no, no...not just any match. I want this guy to pay the price in the most unimaginable way, and a simple 1-on-1 match isn't enough for me. I'm challenging the Blog Stalker to a DND match. In case any of you were born under a rock after following BWE, a DND match only ends when you throw your opponent into a dumpster after spray-painting them with red color before doing so. The match can go on anywhere in the arena, but it only ends after someone ends up in the dumpster with the lid closed shut. This match was invented by the boss of this company, David Funk, and it comes from our days working in retail at Office Depot. DND means Damage 'N Destroy which is what we did to items that no longer were of use in our stores. We would spray-paint them red, and throw them in the dumpster. As far as I'm concerned, the Blog Stalker is another item that is no longer of use to me. So I'm challenging the Blog Stalker to a DND match on the next
Throwdown! show in Kuching, Malaysia! Yeah, I'm on the Asian Invasion tour, and that seems like a better place for me to DND him at.
(Philly The Kid looks straight into the camera)
Philly The Kid: Blog Stalker, I don't care about your win over IHateMillen. I don't care that you qualified for the
Blogger's Rumble. I don't care that you stalk others with abuse and pre-meditated assaults to other bloggers. I don't care that you still snoop around other bloggers hoping to get dirt on them, and use it to your advantage by making them look like you're the victim. What I do care about is Damaging and Destroying your career in BWE. I'm Philly The Kid, and BWE has no idea what I'm capable of. C'mon, Blog Stalker and BWE GM KDL. Make this match. Philly The Kid's path to the top starts with taking down the this excrement of a character in the Blog Stalker. Thank you, and now I'll take a few questions.....
(Several reporters try to talk)
FOX News reporter: This DND match sounds dangerous. Are you sure you know what you're getting into?
Philly The Kid: It looks like I'm getting into a ridiculous question with a terrible reporter. This is the best FOX could give me? Go back with the American Idol producers and talk to them about the dangers of putting their show against a BWE event and get back to me.
ESPN reporter: Are you seriously on steroids? You know BWE has been linked to blog enhancers in the past.
Philly The Kid: Are you seriously stupid? The only thing the BWE is linked to is hiring me to shut you up. Go watch PTI and ask them why they are linked to the same company that hired your sorry (bleep).
Detroit columnist reporter Rob Parker: Don't you wish your wife would have married a better husband instead of someone that is calling out The Blog Stalker and challenging him to a DND match?
Philly The Kid: What does my wife have to do with me calling out the Blog Stalker? Blog Stalker deserves everything he gets and he'll get plenty from me. Calling Blog Stalker an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.
Parker: And your wife approves of you doing this in response to someone stalking bloggers with violence? Seriously, she could have married a better husband.
Philly The Kid: I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works.......Next Question.
Harrisburg news reporter: What is so special about a DND match?
Philly The Kid: What's so special about a DND match? Wasn't it mentioned that I was in a DND match? Then you decide what makes it so damn special. Anytime I'm mentioned that moment becomes special. Get a clue......I expect more from a reporter from the Burg'.
Philadelphia reporter: What can we expect from you in this DND match - your debut bout should it take place?
Philly The Kid: Great question.......Expect an entertaining match with the Kid causing total destruction. Winning and losing doesn't matter to me, getting the last laugh is what I'm all about.
Harrisburg news reporter: From what I read, there's another brand in BWE Promotions called EBW UnCut. Why did you choose BWE Throwdown?
Philly The Kid: I choose the BWE because I wanted a challenge. If I wanted to wrestle RuPaul or a Jonas brother I would of went with EBW. I prefer to go against the best......I'm not getting involved in any place where a GM can only beat women.
Parker: So is your wife going to see this match when it happens?
Philly The Kid: Is YOUR wife going to see this match when it happens? I know I might see YOUR wife after my match if everything works out right. I'll let her know you're looking to set up an interview with her. That's it, I'm outta here......No more questions!
(Philly The Kid walks away as reporters are still trying to get some questions in)
(Cameras go back to the studios)
Funk: OK, there you have it from Philly The Kid. We'll have to see if that DND match is made on the upcoming BWE
Throwdown! show at the Pynk Candy Arena in Kuching, Malaysia. KDL has contacted me here and said that he's working on setting up the tools necessary for this match to take place. Folks, it looks like KDL wants this match happen. According to him, that would be a VERY GOOD THING! I'm out of here, and thanks for tuning in! If you want to be a great blogger, then
"Think and Act To Achieve". You have been watching BWE Blog Center! Good night everyone!
Promotional consideration paid for by the following:
-WBE Blog of Fame
-Political Championship Wrestling(PCW): Accurately summing up the state of American politics!
-A Frank Angle: Thoughts from an Inner Mind.
-Clayton Terry's Sports Blog
-Haterade: Yeah haters, it's in you.
-IDiola: Controlling the IDs that plague you.
BWE Blog Center is in conjuction with Basic Bloganomics.
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