
Live from the ArnieV Civic Center in Catbalongan, Samar, Philippines
The following presentation is rated R (For language and extreme violence)
Viewer discretion is advised.
Close captioning where it is available by pressing the CC button on your controller.
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Note: The matches are truly fictional and scripted. This show isn't meant to put any team, player, member, race, or culture down. This is just for fun, so if you don't like it then you have the right to read another blog. Being that I've written wrestling storylines and I'm familiar with the business, this was created. Again, this is scripted, so the outcome of the matches might not be what you expect in trying to put together entertainment for members and fans. Enjoy, and DO NOT take this seriously.(The show opens to a close up of the GM in his office. (Big heel pop).
Paul Huffaker: Good evening. My name is
Paul Huffaker, and I am the General Manager of Extreme Blog Wrestling. I would like to welcome you to the first EBW UnCut here on Basic Bloganomics. Much has been written in regards to my actions in EBW recently, with many questioning my legitimacy as GM. Many are worried that because the
EBW Heavyweight Champion guardian of the galaxy has aligned himself with me, along with the
BWE Women’s Champion soadrules doing the same, that I may “go easy” on them in booking their title matches at our premier event, No Recovery, which will be our next PFV event.
I would like to assure you that will not be the case. In fact, I have decided their matches already, and while I will not reveal the Women’s Title match here tonight, I will make an announcement regarding the EBW Championship. When I looked back at the beginning of EBW, I noticed a lack of “extreme” here. I will not allow my brand to be the #2 promotion in BWE! So I have devised a match so extreme, so evil, so diabolic, and best of all, so dangerous that the competitors will be risking their life just to compete! It is the Ultimate Hell! The EBW Champion will defend in a Fatal 4 Way Match under Elimination Rules, so there is guaranteed to be only one man standing, well, if he can even stand at all! (laughs)
But that’s only the beginning! Because I have scoured the globe searching for just the right touch to make this match truly unforgettable and I now have it! The ring will be surrounded by 20 foot high steel cage! The cage itself will have a roof on it to make sure nobody gets in, and more importantly, that no one gets out. And to make it truly extreme, the 4 walls of the cage, not including the top, will be covered in BARBED WIRE! (Big face pop) Tonight, we will have the first qualifying match, our main event of Lester’s Legends vs. REIGNBLOOD. The winner will qualify to sacrifice themself in the Ultimate Hell. Good luck to those 4 unlucky souls who enter the match, you may want to pick out a good nursing home for afterwards.
Speaking of finding nursing homes,
Miatay, I just wanted to let you know some great news. I looked into the insurance policy and we will be able to get you the finest nursing home in America once I put you out of your misery in our match tonight! And it’s for the best anyway. You get to fight in front of your friends & family right here in The Philippines and get to retire in front of them too! I will finish the job the Agents of Chaos started in
Washington D.C. Miatay, your dream is about to become a nightmare.
(The opening video for EBW UnCut plays, highlighting all the stars!)
(A wide shot of a darkened arena, quiet in anticipation. After a minute or so, a red light starts spinning around the arena. It is slow at first but quickly builds speed to cover the entire arena in a dark red light pool. The lights die once again, only to build to a brilliant white glow focused squarely on the E-Screen. A thick, red liquid appears on the screen in a video that flashes several short words: death, life, honor, blood, uprising. The stage explodes in flames as the crowd pops huge! Rising through the ashes, a figure appears, clothes covered in blood. He steps forward and slowly makes his way to the ring where he picks up a microphone. His head is bowed low to obscure his face to the fans as he begins to speak.)
When you are faced with your mortality, you have two choices. Succumb to your fate, or become he who determines it. When I was left for dead in a parking lot 6 months ago, I swore that if The Fates allowed, I would get my revenge! And as the blood spilled from my head, instead of uncertainty, clarity became reality. I felt cleansed. I felt…reborn. And tonight, I shed the exterior and extract my vengeance!
(The robe covered in blood is thrown off to reveal a reborn The Phoenix standing before the shocked audience.)
Phoenix: Propaganda. That’s all you have been fed. Everyone has been led by corruption, creed, and a desire for control. The Agents of Chaos would like you to believe they have no plans; that all their work is to create anarchy and disorder. Do you believe anyone in a position of authority lives without plans? I refuse to be led to slaughter once again by the AOC! I know who attacked me, and I know he benefited to the highest degree. But now, they will all fall. Guardian of the galaxy was nothing more than a puppet, and believe me I want to destroy that puppet along with his two cronies. But when all is said and done, destiny will be fulfilled. I shall have my vengeance on the puppet master! And I shall handle accordingly any mortal who impedes my path of destruction. No one will be spared.
(The Phoenix’s dark and violent prophecy has brought fear to the hearts of the crowd who are torn in their response. Phoenix drops the microphone and begins to walk towards the stage. Reignblood makes his way to greet The Phoenix, presumably to show support for his initiative. Phoenix never gives him a chance as he cuts him down with a vicious clothesline.)
Blog commercial: 1. What do you get when you combine wrestling and politics? You get Political Championship Wrestling(PCW)! PHEW: Political Hardcore Extreme Wrestling! Check them out after the show for the latest!
Joe Payne: The Agents of Chaos have already arrived at the arena tonight, and I have no doubt we will be hearing from them in response to The Phoenix. I have never seen the usually fun-loving Phoenix in this state before. The AOC needs to be careful. They may have created a monster they cannot contain. Well, let’s shift gears here and try to get this thing underway! We are live for the first EBW UnCut of 2009! And if ’09 is anything like ’08, it’s going to be wild in the world of hardcore! Let’s go to the ring for our first match of the year!
Ring Announcer: This is the first match of 2009 in Extreme Blog Wrestling! Introducing first, from the great state of Georgia, he is the EBW Lightweight Champion,
Wassup!
(Wassup carries the title over his shoulder as he makes his way to the ring, eager to get the action started.)
Ring Announcer: And his opponent, the
Fbkid!
(Fbkid is all energy as he sprints to the ring to a great ovation.)
Wassup vs. FbkidJoe Payne: This opening contest is sure to be exciting as the Lightweight Champion, Wassup, battles Fbkid. Bell rings, Wassup and Fbkid tie up. Wassup goes into an armdrag, but Fbkid wiggles out and runs into the ropes, ducks a clothesline from Wassup, and comes back for a dropkick! Wassup comes back to his feet, and both men are at opposite corners of the ring. Wow, Fbkid has gotten the early advantage in this match. He could be a real threat to Wassup, who has held the Lightweight championship for over 6 months. Speaking of threats, I hope the AOC are not going to disrupt any of the exciting matches on our show tonight, as they have been living up to their name in EBW lately. Both men tie up again, and Wassup quickly punches Fbkid in the face, and keeps giving him knife edge chops forcing him back into the corner. Wassup gives Fbkid an enzuigiri kick that sends him out of the ring down to the floor. Wassup goes outside and tries to give Fbkid an irish whip into the rail, but Fbkid reverses it and sends Wassup into the railing. Fbkid tries to run and clothesline him, but Wassup ducks and Fbkid runs into the railing. Wassup grabs Fbkid by the head and slams his head into the ring post!
Wassup rolls him back into the ring, and goes for a headlock. Fbkid is trying to find the strength to come to his feet, but Wassup will not let go. Wassup lets go, and goes for a leg drop, but Fbkid rolls out of the way! Both men are on the ground! Fbkid has come to his feet first, and sends Wassup into the ropes. Wassup comes back, and Fbkid gives him a crossbody! 1...2...and a kick out! Wassup comes up and Fbkid gives him a few shots to the face. He whips Wassup into the ropes again, and Wassup gives him a sunset flip and goes for the cover! 1...2...and he kicks out.
How much more can these two take? Wassup brings Fbkid to his feet, and whips him into the corner. Wassup sits Fbkid on the top turnbuckle, and Wassup begins his ascent, and gives him a hurricanrana! Both men are lying on the ground, and the referee begins the 10 count. What a match this has been so far, I hope the rest of the matches we have tonight can live up to this one, especially Miatay vs. Paul. Wassup comes to his feet, and slowly begins climbing the turnbuckle for an aerial maneuver. But Fbkid quickly comes to his feet, and runs over to the corner and grabs Wassup for a roll up! 1…2…3!!! Fbkid has defeated Wassup!! Wassup cannot believe it! What an upset win! I hope these two have a rematch in the near future, with the Lightweight Championship on the line!
Winner- Fbkid(Camera cuts to backstage, a quick pan of the GM’s empty office.)
Joe Payne: If the GM’s not there, that means he’s roaming the arena somewhere tonight. And if he’s not in a good mood, he will make damn sure none of us are! What does the AOC have in store for us tonight, as the GM takes on the hometown hero, Miatay?
Blog commercial:
If you want a new sports blog from an aspiring sports writer? Then Clayton Terry has you covered! Get his take on the sports world by stopping by his blog! Clayton Terry's Sports Blog: Personal Columns Regarding the Most Recent Sports Topics!Joe Payne: Good lord! What the hell are you doing?
Paul: Making an example.
Joe: Welcome back to a volatile UnCut. The Agents of Chaos have arrived, and they have dragged
LakerKev to the ring! This is out of control! It looks like we will be treated to hearing the GM speak as he has demanded a microphone from the frightened ring announcer.
Paul: It seems that a certain “problem” has returned, and apparently he’s under the control of “The Fates,” whatever the hell that means. I figured if he can pretend to be deeply disturbed and volatile, then he might want to take some lessons from those who really are! You people have this preconceived notion that there is good and evil. That there are heroes to save you from the villains of the world. Well, I love to be the bearer of bad news; there are no heroes in this world. There is just evil, darkness, despair, misery, and anarchy. This is not some cheap Hollywood movie! The good guy isn’t going to pull off some miracle to vanquish the forces of evil! We will destroy those who stand up to us. Make no mistake,
I am in charge! So, LakerKev is it? You have a very important job tonight. You are going to be sacrificed.
Joe: WHAT??? Is that even legal? This is insane!
Yankees3Fan7 is in position behind a defenseless LakerKev. The BWE Women’s Champion soadrules is circling the…er, victim. The EBW Heavyweight Champion Guardian of the Galaxy is smiling smugly as he holds the championship aloft. What does this have to do with the top prize in EBW? Oh, what a clothesline from Y3F7! Kev is down now, and what is the Women’s Champion up to? She is bending down and she just locked lips with LakerKev? What? Well, at least it’s not *all* bad. Oh wait, she just kicked him in the side of the head. Yeah, this is going to get worse. (Massive heel heat for entire segment)
Both Y3F7 and soadrules are stomping LakerKev into the mat. Guardian is standing there laughing and the GM is barking orders on the execution of LakerKev’s blog wrestling career. Kev is starting to struggle to his feet, and he reaches the ropes trying to fall in between them and get out of the ring. But Y3F7 grabs him before he can finish his fall. Damn I was hoping he would make it! Soad just slapped Kev for the desperate escape attempt. Y3F7 plants Kev into the ground with an intentional Spike DDT! He could have snapped his neck right there! Now the vicious duo is trying to break Kev’s legs! Y3F7 has the left leg in a heel hook; soadrules is trying to hyper-extend the right leg! This is too much! This is a damn maiming! Guardian has the microphone now.
Guardian: Hey Phoenix. I want you to take a good look at Kev here. Because this is just a taste of what the AOC can do to you! There is nothing you can do to stop us! You called our GM a puppet master. What makes you so special that you can declare anything? Last time I checked, the champ is the one in charge of the show. And I say our GM’s nobility in the face of mounting criticism and emotional strain is a testament to his desire to see his show succeed in ways no one ever dreamed!
You threatened the Agents of Chaos. Do you have a death wish? Did I knock out a few too many brain cells when I bashed your head in with that pipe 6 months ago! You can boo me all you want, I couldn’t care less! (Holds up the title) As long as I have this, I am untouchable!
We are untouchable! (Looks at LakerKev) It’s time to end another career.
Joe: That did not sound promising. Guardian is slowly, methodically approaching the downed LakerKev. Hey wait, are those brass knuxs on his fist? Those could break Kev’s jaw! No! Soad & Y3F7 are holding Kev in the corner, and Guardian is using that dangerous fist to pummel the ribs and gut of LakerKev! Good God! He falls out of the corner, and there may some serious internal injuries! Oh no, he’s setting up for the final blow! Someone stop him! Huh? The GM just stepped in front of LakerKev to stop the EBW Champion? This doesn’t make sense. Paul’s directing traffic again, as Y3F7 is under the ring looking for something.
Paul: I believe I said LakerKev would be sacrificed tonight. I meant that. Every word of it, but it will be done the proper way.
Joe: Is that what I think it is? There’s some sort of alter type thing in the ring and Kev’s head is lying across it and the GM is pulling something out of a protective case. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING??? He has a f*cking sword! Pardon my language, but someone needs to get their asses out here NOW!!! What does he think he is, Jason from
Friday the 13th? The GM is out of his mind and somebody needs to stop this! Kev is defenseless dammit! Someone talk some sense into the crazy bastard! The AOC members are standing stoic. They can’t let this happen! NOOOOOOO!!!
What happened? The lights are out in the arena. Is LakerKev alive? Lights are back on, and the ring is covered in blood! Oh my god he must have done it. Wait, LakerKev is safe! And there’s The Phoenix! The Phoenix has saved LakerKev’s life! Oh thank god! But where did all the blood come from?
Phoenix: There are no holes in the Prophecy. Guardian, you spilled my blood, so I
will spill yours! The blood which I have provided you is specially picked for you, Guardian. It is your blood type. Consider it my gift to you, because the next time you will be covered in blood, it will be your own blood! I don’t care about your precious championship, Guardian. No, I am going to destroy you! And then, General Manager, you will pay for your crimes against EBW! I shall then decide whether you will be spared or not. And I would not hold my breath if I were you. Neither of you will rise from the ashes. There will not be a rebirth. This is a complete and total annihilation. (Huge face heat)
Joe Payne: Statements have been made and the battle lines are being drawn. A war is about to erupt and EBW may be its only real casualty!
Blog Commercial: The red-hot Filipina, Miatay, covers a plethora of topics and is always looking for a good discussion. Join the conversation with the "Filipina Fury" and see if you can keep up!Joe: The level of insanity in EBW is at radioactive levels as we welcome you back to the only “extreme” brand of blog wrestling today! We are set for a star-studded 6-Man Tag here and it is live!
Ring Announcer: This match is a 6-Man Tag Team Match, scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Scottsdale, AZ, here is the owner of the E-Diner—dking!
(Dking gets a good face pop as he throws sides of bacon to the fans as he makes his way to the ring.)
Ring Announcer: And introducing his partners, first from Williamsport, PA, the baseball card collector authority,
fanofreds!
(Fanofreds brings out his traditional plate of nachos as he “nacho chesses” his way to the ring.)
Ring Announcer: And their partner, from St. Louis, MO, here is enova!
(Enova slaps hands with a few fans as he comes to the ring. In the ring, he shakes hands with his partners and they begin to talk over some last minute strategies.)
Ring Announcer: And their opponents, first Washington DC, he is
3rdStoneFromTheSun!
(3rdStone doesn’t seem to be on the right team as he is acting nothing like his partners tonight have. He grabs a sign that displays his catchphrase, “I know more than I can divulge.”)
Ring Announcer: And his partners, Yankees3Fan7 & the EBW Heavyweight Champion guardian of the galaxy, they are the Agents of Chaos!
(The demeanor of the match takes a dramatic change as the cold and calculating AOC methodically makes their way to the ring. Guardian has the EBW Title around his waist, while Y3F7 walks slowly, his cold eyes staring in the ring at the four men.)
6-Man Tag:
dking, fanofreds, & enova vs. 3rdStone, guardian, & Y3F7Joe Payne: An exciting 6-Man Tag we have for you here, and the EBW Champion is one of the 6 in action! It will be interesting to see how much ring time he gets with that barbaric Ultimate Hell match looming at No Recovery. There’s the bell, and here we go! Looks like dking and 3rdStone will start the match. It seems like dking has been in the AOC’s sights for quite a while with all the brutal matches he’s been forced to compete in (They tie up). Just a few months ago at our huge Draft event, it was enova who beat dking in a brutal Falls Count Anywhere match which caused dking to be drafted to EBW. I hope they can put the past behind them and work as a cohesive unit here. These guys are just slugging it out, as each man takes a shot. But an uppercut by dking has 3rdStone down early. 3rd crawls into the corner, but eats a low dropkick from dking! Wow! I don’t think 3rdStone saw that one coming! Dking keeps the advantage, not giving 3rd a moment to breathe as he grabs him for a Camel Clutch. Made famous by the Iron Sheik, but created by “Gory” Guerrero, the patriarch of one of the greatest families in wrestling. The pain has to be excruciating! Dking is really cranking the pressure! But they are too close to the ropes, and 3rd has the wherewithal to grab the middle rope. And dking has to break the hold.
Dking tags in enova, a little rougher than a traditional tag, but here comes the man from the “Show Me State!” A quick stomp to the back keeps 3rd down, but on the second stomp 3rd grabs the foot and flips enova backwards. Nice move there. 3rd goes right to work, as he goes for a leg lock. Enova is trying to fight it, as he drags himself and 3rd to the corner. Not a lot of fundamentals in this tag match. Enova is close; all he has to do is reach! And even in the leg lock, his partner is able to reach and he tags in fanofreds! That took a lot of leg strength, ladies and gentlemen!
Jaysfan: My God are you boring! This is like listening to public radio!
Joe:
Jaysfan? And
Geek in the Pink? What are you two doing here? You don’t have contracts with EBW! And what a sensational sunset flip by 3rdStone! He’s got him!
Jays: Wrong again, Joe. That’s only a two count! Didn’t they teach you how to count to 3 in American public schools?
Joe: Excuse me? I think you should watch your mouth, son. Before Security comes to take you away, why don’t you answer one question? Why are you two always interrupting EBW events? Before you answer that, a great clothesline by enova! Another as 3rdStone gets up light on his legs. Cover, but enova only gets 2!
Jays: We are here as invited guests of the General Manager. He went back and watched the video of our last appearance, and he liked what he saw, so he invited us to save your commentary. He said he’s as sick of this contract issue as we are! He’s agreed to everything the investigators have asked, but the
new guy on BWE keeps screwing everything up! So the investigators are going to ask for a public questioning of the executives of BWE & EBW and other important people to get to the bottom of it! Nice headscissors by 3rdStone! That’s the kind of stuff you will only see on EBW!
Joe: Indeed it is! But what’s this about a public questioning? Am I going to be subpoenaed?
Jays: We said
important people. So what do you think? We will be glad to get this crap over with so we can show everyone how we do things in the ring. Hey, there’s the tag to Y3F7! (Big heel pop) This is when things get interesting! While you were, blabbing, 3rdStone had been targeting the left arm of fanofreds, and that appears to be Y3F7’s target as well. Quick stomp, to the injured arm, nice! Now the dangerous Y3F7 is dragging fanofreds across the ring, cutting him off from his partners. He’s got fanofreds’ arm wrapped around the ring post!
Joe: Oh no! Break the hold! The man’s arm is being torn out of the socket!
Jays: Who cares??? Sometimes, that’s what you have to do to win! Y3F7 is not satisfied with the damage done, and he’s pulled fanofreds out of the ring. He’s got him up and down he comes on the security wall! Damn, that’s gotta hurt!
Joe: Fanofreds’ face bouncing off the wall like an underinflated basketball. What is going through Y3F7’s mind right now?
Jays: Destruction. This man is hell-bent on destruction. Look at him. Do you think he gives a damn about you or anyone else? No, he doesn’t. He looks out for himself and his buddies in the AOC. That’s what breeds champions. And mark my words; Y3F7 is destined to be champion.
Joe: Maybe so, but it doesn’t take serial killer like tactics to accomplish that! Our first Champion was a man of honor and dignity, much like Lester’s Legends. As Y3F7 whips fanofreds into the steel steps! Oh man, the anguish etched onto fanofreds’ face tells the story there!
Jays: And look at the former champ now! He got retired and lost his championship at the same time! And now, he’s a memory to EBW fans. Look at this vicious streak in Y3F7! Oh man, here they come! Y3F7 just slammed fanofreds on the announce table!
Joe: What did Y3F7 mean by that? He just looked at you and said, “Are you boys taking notes?” Why?
Jays: That, my nosy little reporter, is none of your business. Y3F7 rolls fanofreds back in the ring and covers him but only gets two. Y3F7 tosses fanofreds into the corner, and he just drills him with a nice punch!
Joe: You mean a cheap shot! That’s all that was. And now he has fanofreds’ injured arm in position, and he tosses him into the ringpost! Damnit.
Jays: Y3F7 seems happy with the damage done, and he tags in 3rdStone. 3rd goes for the cover, but dking runs in and breaks it up at 2 ½. And now, dking knocks Y3F7 off the apron with a cheap shot! The ref is trying to get dking back to the apron, but guardian runs into the ring and hits a vicious running DDT on fanofreds. His head spiking into the ground like a tree planted into the ground. (Big heel pop)
Joe: None of that was legal, of course! Guardian is acting like he’s been on the apron, pointing at himself and mockingly asking the ref if he thinks it was his fault. You can’t fault the ref for doing his job, and he can’t have eyes in the back of his head. Oh! Enzuguri! The Head Kick from fanofreds on 3rdStone! This could be the opening he needs, as he crawls towards his corner!
Jays: That was a sick kick! He’s reaching, and there’s the tag! (Big face pop) This is the turning point of the match! Enova is on fire, a clothesline to 3rdStone! A back elbow to Y3F7! And a chop to the Champ!
Joe: The voltage just got cranked up when enova hit the ring! A shot to the ribs by enova, and how he sends 3rdStone off the ropes. There it is! The Gateway Arch (a vicious backbreaker that arches the victim’s back in a very awkward way)! He’s got him! 1-2-3! What a victory!
Winners- enova, dking, & fanofreds
Joe: What the hell? Dking just grabbed enova and they are slugging each other! I guess there’s still some tension from that Falls Count Anywhere match a couple months ago. They are brawling out of the ring, and into the crowd! We need to get a camera on them! There they go to the back, and we have at least a dozen referees trying to pull them apart! Hey, wait a minute! Guardian just caught fanofreds flush in the face with a title shot from the EBW Championship! What the hell is that for? Oh no! Y3F7 just laid out fanofreds with a Cutter! This has to be a message sent by the AOC to the rest of EBW. This is just sad. Jaysfan & Geek in the Pink have left the announce table, not soon enough if you ask me.
The AOC members are posing on the stage as this crowd is telling them what they think of that sneak attack. What are those two up to? Jaysfan & Geek in the Pink are on opposite sides of the ring, on the top rope. Oh not that! The Synchronized T-DOT, named for the airport code of their hometown! What is the point of that? Here comes Security to escort them out of the arena. This is not helping them secure a contract with EBW! Those boys came across very arrogant tonight, and I hope for their sake it isn’t their Achilles Heel!
(Camera quick cuts to backstage as Miatay is walking through a hallway towards the ring.)
Joe Payne: A vindictive General Manager is about to face the wrath of the “Filipina Fury!” The Intergender Match is next!
Blog Commercial:
Jaysfan may not be allowed in the ring at the moment, but he is always allowed to blog! Get some opinions from the Great White North, home to some of the best bloggers in the world!
Joe: We first heard of this match on SportingNews.com. Miatay jokingly called out the CEO David Funk for a match, which Mr. Funk played along with until EBW GM Paul Huffaker poked his nose into an A-B conversation. Instead of “C”-ing his way out of it, he antagonized the red hot Filipina, whom his Agents of Chaos left in blood and tears on the previous EBW UnCut. He succeeding in angering the 91 lbs “Filipina Fury” and has booked this intergender match for tonight. As the road to No Recovery winds through our first international destination in EBW, does Miatay have home-field advantage?
Ring Announcer: Our next match is the special Intergender match, scheduled for one fall! Introducing first, from Elyria, OH, the General Manager of EBW, Paul Huffaker!
(Paul is getting massive heel heat as he feigns sword swipes with his hands.)
Ring Announcer: And introducing the opponent! From The Philippines!!! She is the “91 lbs. of Filipina Fury!” Welcome Miatay!!!
Joe: The roof has damn near blown off the arena! I have never heard such a face pop in my life! And I think it’s safe to say, Mia’s got home-field advantage here tonight!
(Mia hits the ring and gives waves to her hometown fans as she soaks in the moment, before locking eyes with the cold, vindictive GM.)
Intergender Match:
Paul H vs. Miatay
Joe: The GM has wronged many as his Agents of Chaos took over EBW. But no one more so than Miatay. The way she was used as bait against Lester’s Legends in, ironically, another Intergender match, was absolutely appalling. I know I should not be rooting for anyone in this match, but how can you not hope that Mia snaps Paul’s neck with her powerful legs?
The bell rings and here we go! Kick his ass, Mia!!! I’m sorry, but there’s no way on this side of a frozen Hell that I can be impartial here! Mia is smiling, knowing she’s got that sorry bastard right where she wants him! Kind of makes you wonder why Paul would agree to a match like this when he has not competed in nearly 6 months. Mia, meanwhile, has been training to prepare for her debut and while that may have been on our last UnCut, she would love nothing more than to be involved in the Women’s Title picture. Nothing has been announced thus far about AOC’s soadrules defending her title, but a win her would propel Mia right to Texas and our biggest event of the year!
Paul is laughing? I suppose he enjoys a good ass kicking too. Even if it’s his! I guess I should mention Paul’s previous in-ring experience, including appearing on BWE Throwdown! and several PFV events. Beautiful spin kick from the equally beautiful Mia! Paul is down! Mia just said something to the ref, who is now busy at ringside with one of our security walls. This gives Mia the chance to grab Paul by the throat and choke him with no mercy! The GM’s face is turning a beautiful shade of blue as he gasps for air. (Big face pop) The ref is back in, and he has to do his job in telling Mia to release the hold. Mia stomps Paul in gut and the ground is eating it up! Paul’s struggling against the ropes and telling the ref to quote: “Keep her the f*** off of me!” Not that we condone that kind of language, but you were warned at the top of the show. The former “Rated R Blogger” is nothing more than a shell of himself in the ring as Mia pops him right in the mouth! She helps him to his feet and then tosses him across the ring with a martial arts throw! She immediately grabs the right arm and locks it into a picture-perfect armbar! Paul is howling in pain as he reaches desperately for the ropes!
She is letting him get close to the ropes, only to drag him back away! She’s teasing him! Nicely done, girl! Our friends here in The Philippines are enjoying this! Paul’s about to tap, but Mia lets go of the hold. She wants to make that lousy piece of crap suffer for what he did! She has to be flashing back, to the manipulation, the torture, the DDT on the concrete, and of course the kick into the steel steps, a move which had Mia been placed two inches further up would have put her out of blog wrestling forever as it would have cut into her spine and neck. This is payback! Mia is stomping on the arm, and I hope she breaks it! The ref is being very lenient with the rules tonight, which this capacity crowd more than appreciates. Mia is pulling the padding off the turnbuckle, which is against the rules and the ref is going to have to put it back. The ref is going to be busy for a while.
Mia is going to be able to bend the rules a little. She’s got Paul by the hair of his head, dragging him to his feet. Wait, why is Paul’s fist shining? Aw damnit! Those brass knuckles! Aw you son of a bitch! He just knocked out Miatay with those knuxs. (Huge heel pop) You can’t be serious! Where in the hell did they come from anyway? The no good bastard just spit on Mia’s unconscious body, and is now placing a foot on her chest. This isn’t right. Mia’s shoulders are down and the ref, who apparently is blind as a bat and did not see any of the replays on the E-Screen, counts the 1-2-3.
Winner- Paul Huffaker
Joe: I apologize once again for my language, but I’ve known Paul for too long and I’ve never seen this side of him last this long. And I think we found the culprit on the brass knux. The Women’s Champion Soadrules just rolled out from under the ring. I guess we should have counted on some AOC interference. The Women’s Champion has just marked her territory on the “Filipina Fury.” And they are not done, unfortunately. If they pull out that damn sword again, I’m getting out of my chair! Oh not that! Soadrules, known to her friends as Julie, is grabbing 2 steel chairs. If you’ve been with us for any UnCut episode, you know what happens next. Julie is laying the first chair under Miatay’s head, but she appears to be having second thoughts. For once the AOC has a conscious. Paul has one chair, Julie the other. No, stop them now!!! This is the original Con-Chair-To made famous by the WWE tag team of Edge & Christian. This could put any hope Miatay had of a blog wrestling career in the question.
Lights out! Now what??? It’s The Phoenix, again! He’s saved Miatay! And look at what he has done! A dummy that looks just like the GM is hanging from the rafters! No words need to be spoken; the message is clear. The Phoenix is going to be the end of our GM!
Blog Commercial:
The Road to No Recovery winds its way through BWE & EBW! Coming soon, the brands come together for a night like no other as BWE & EBW present the Jakarta Encounter! What new unbelievable moments will this show give us? And how will the GMs react to the their first face-to-face encounter? Or the superstars of BWE & EBW for that matter? You won't want to miss this one of a kind event as No Recovery approaches!
(Camera focuses on
JDIN827, backstage, holding a microphone while standing in front of an black backdrop with the EBW logo in the center.)
JD: Please welcome
Lester’s Legends!
(Lester walks into the camera frame.)
JD: Lester, this is a big opportunity tonight. If you beat
Reignblood, you get a shot at the EBW Title as part of the Ultimate Hell match at No Recovery! What is your strategy heading into this must win match?
Lester: My strategy? My strategy is to survive. I’ve dealt with the AOC for 4 months now, and if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that Paul will do whatever he can to protect his champ. So AOC, “GM”, bring it! You’ve tried to take me out before, and I’m still standing!!! And I’ll be standing in that cage at No Recovery, as the
new EBW Heavyweight Champion! I may not be a hero, but someone needs to save EBW and it looks like that someone is going to be me.
(Lester walks off camera towards the gorilla position, water bottle in hand. Camera cuts to a wide shot of the arena as the fans go wild!)
Joe: It is Main Event time as the wild ride continues on UnCut!
Ring Announcer: The following contest is our Main Event of the evening! And it is a Qualifying Match for the Ultimate Hell at No Recovery! And I have just been informed this math will be contested under Extreme Rules!!! Introducing first, he is a member of Raider Nation, REIGNBLOOD! (Big face pop)
(Reign hits the ring and begins looking for weapons underneath it. He seems to understand the importance of this match and will do what it takes to get the first spot in the wired cage.)
Ring Announcer: And introducing his opponent! From Minnesota, here is the man, the myth, the Lester’s Legends! (Huge face pop)
(Lester is all business as he makes his way to the ring, nearly in tunnel vision.)
Ultimate Hell Qualifying Match- Extreme Rules:
Reignblood vs. Lester’s LegendsJoe Payne: I’m nervous about No Recovery. The cage that the GM has put together is very similar to WWE’s Hell in a Cell structure, but wrapping it in barbed wire raises the danger level to scary heights. The HIAC structure they use has ended careers, without being surrounded by barbed wire. I can’t imagine anyone is happy about the potential careers that could be ended at No Recovery. But first, we need to get to the Ultimate Hell. The bell rings, and we are underway! Neither man is actually in the ring, they are searching under it for weapons. Lester has a kendo stick; Reign has a trash can and its lid. Reign is circling around from behind as Lester is busy looking for more “international objects” under the ring. OH! Trash can to the back of Lester! And twice more! He turns around and takes a shot right to the head! Down goes Lester, and the can is crumpled! Lester uses the ring apron to get to his feet, and he turns around into a shot to the skull with the lid from that trash receptacle! Boom! Another and yet another! He’s folded the lid in half over Lester’s skull! Lester is not looking good in the early going.
Reign is busy under the ring, and he has another trash can. He is laying it on its side behind him, and that can’t be good for the Minnesotan. Lester is holding his ribs, no he isn’t! He just caught Reign foolish with a shot to the kidneys with the kendo stick! Wham! Bam! Thank you ma’am! Three more shots striking the body parts Reign can’t protect! One more shot to the skull turns Reign around! Lester’s got Reign and he’s going for a Reverse DDT, and he hits it onto that trash can! That can is trash now!
Lester has the fans going bananas, as the late Gorilla Monsoon would say! Lester is by the security wall as he takes a moment to catch his breath. But Reign is on the hop and he clotheslines Lester over the wall, and his momentum takes him across too! This is why you should always try to get floor seats to an EBW show; you never know who might land in your lap! Reign is clearing out some space and he suplexes Lester onto the concrete floor! Oh my! There’s a fan trying to get involved there with a Lester’s my hero sign, but Security steps in and holds him back. Lester is doing everything he can to retake the momentum, and he throws himself into Reignblood, and they go right through the wall!!! This is what it means to be EBW Champion, and these guys are just fighting for a title shot! Lester is back up, and he’s dragging Reign by the left arm. He puts him in position and stomps the arm. Now a leg drop to that arm and Reign is howling in pain!
This match needs to end in the ring guys! Lester is taking a moment to look under the ring, and he pulls out a ladder! (face pop) That thing has to be 15 feet tall at least! What is he going to do with that? Reign is trying to shake his arm to regain some feeling in it. When he got to his feet, you could see it was just hanging limp. Reign is fighting back with his one good arm, throwing some punches which cause Lester to drop the ladder. He’s holding the other arm against his body to protect it. A kick to the gut stuns Lester, and Reign comes from behind and drops him with a running bulldog! Reign is all fired up! Hey wait a minute, what are you doing? Reignblood is clearing off my announce table. And now the ladder is being set up near it? Oh, from behind Lester catches Reign and clubs him in the back. Reign is lying on the announce table, and the crowd seems to be anticipating something. Lester is signaling for his finisher, the Legends’ Elbow! But how is he going to do that here? Lester runs up the ladder, it nearly tips over and Oh my God! Lester hit the huge Elbow Drop off the top of the ladder through Reignblood, through the announce table!!! We have to see that again! A “Holy Shit!” chant has started here in the ArnieV Civic Center!
Both men are lying in a heap, and it’s Lester who is first to his feet. He drags Reign into the ring, and this could be it! Here’s the cover! 1-2-and he kicks out! That had to be a reflex! Even Lester can’t believe this! What the hell? That Lester Fan from earlier is in the ring with a chair and he just laid out Lester’s Legends with a wicked chair shot! He must have gotten through that hole in the security wall, but what’s with the mask? He’s taking off the mask, and damnit! It’s the EBW Heavyweight Champion guardian of the galaxy! (Big heel pop) He should be stripped of the title for this! Lights out in the arena! What else could happen? Lights are back on, and The Phoenix is standing right behind the EBW Champion! It’s payback time! The Phoenix has the steel chair in hand, and he swings for guardian’s head! Oh no! Guardian ducked, but Reignblood took the shot right to the head! Innocent bystander in what amounts to a drive by. Phoenix is chasing the Champion, and Lester is back to his feet, unaware of what happened. Lester is setting up for the Legends’ Elbow, and he hits it! Cover! 1-2-3! (Bell rings)
Winner & Qualifies for Ultimate Hell at No Recovery- Lester’s LegendsJoe: What a shocking turn of events! Lester is in the Ultimate Hell at No Recovery, but what a fight Reignblood put up! Lester has to be excited, knowing that he will get his hands on guardian and there will be no escaping Lester!
(Camera cuts to the parking lot and a limo pulling up with the license plate “BWE 1.” A limo driver gets out, but is immediately attacked by Yankees3Fan7.)
Y3F7: Don’t think for one second we’re letting this happen! Get the hell out of here! You’re not supposed to be on EBW!
(Y3F7 throws the limo driver back into the driver’s seat. The car suddenly pulls out of the parking lot as Y3F7 pulls out his AT&T wireless phone and calls someone.)
Y3F7: You were right, he tried to show up. Do we need to eliminate him? (Listens to response). That’s what I wanted to hear. Consider it done, Boss. We’ll send him a message he will never forget.
EBW UnCut is in conjuction with Basic Bloganomics.
© Copyright 2009. Property of Basic Bloganomics. All rights reserved. Any publication or retransmission without the express written consent of Basic Bloganomics is strictly prohibited.Written by Paul Huffaker.
Lightweights Match written by Jeff Lander.
Special Thanks to the members of our Creative Team!
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