Depot Heavies Volume 5: Our Own Game

OK, some of you are asking what the heck is Depot Heavies? Well, this is where I talk about my days working at two different Office Depot stores in which many crazy and funny moments took place. I've often been told that a book could easily be written for some of the stuff that happened at both stores. Heavies is just a slang term I use for chronicles, so that you know.

Previous Depot Heavies:
Depot Heavies Volume 1: What The Funk?
Depot Heavies Volume 2: The Image Game
Depot Heavies Volume 3: Texas Hold 'Em Moments
Depot Heavies Volume 4: Prank Call Moments

In this entry, I'm going to talk about a few funny moments as well as company initials that we changed on our own.

While in the High Point, NC store, there was one day where we decided to switch name badges. So our tech person Floyd took my name badge and I took Sabre's(I won't reveal his real first name) badge. Sabre took Floyd's badge. It was funny to see customers refer to us by the name on our badges. One other time, I took the P-Touch machine and created "The Funk" name for my badge. For nearly a whole week, no manager even noticed. My assistant manager Craig then said, "That's funny, now change it!" LOL!

After being the Harrisburg, PA store for about a year, we had just had a change in store managers(I'll talk about why that happened in a future entry). I remember very vividly that my store manager forgot to take me back off the schedule on a Sunday because of a canceled event that never happened. Of course working on Sundays is not what anyone wants, but I'm glad he didn't on that Sunday because little did I know that one of the funniest things in that store happened!

One of the cashiers just paged me to get a chair for a customer in the back room. When looking for it, I noticed all of them were at the top shelf about 15-20 feet in the air. So I paged for help, and it turned out that the store manager named Jim came back to help. So I drove the forklift and put the safety cage on the forks to lift him up in the air to grab the chair. He safely made it onto the top shelf to grab the chair, but fell through the steel feet-first when he stepped up! He didn't fall all the way down, and if that wasn't funny enough, he fell through a second time a few seconds later! Luckily, the steel shelf was setup to where you couldn't fall between them all the down! I had to stop myself from laughing before I asked him if he was okay! He was bruised on his leg, but was okay otherwise. Two people came to the back to ask what happened, and I had to walk away because I was in tears at the time because of laughing. He was one of those types of managers that was full of himself. He earned the nickname "Captain Coordination" from me as a parody of "Captain Charisma", the then-nickname for WWE star Christian.

As most of you recall in previous entries, my friends Philly The Kid, Bobby(Nostrodomous), Soupy, and myself were always up to something. Usually, it was Bobby that was teased all the time. However, he did get back at Soupy one time by putting some rather strange objects in his locker. It just so happens that one day I was in the break room where the lockers were at when Bobby was caught in the act of putting something in Soupy's locker! Soupy said, "Get the hell out of my damn locker right now!" He said it so loud and with conviction that I couldn't help but laugh. Soupy then punched Bobby in the leg which he did all the time. It was so funny the look on Bobby's face when he was caught by Soupy!

I remember that I used to kick Bobby in the shins all the time after he ran his mouth about something. The very last day, he got really mad at me for kicking him. But that didn't stop Philly and Soupy from laughing so hard at it. Because of this, the finishing move of "Sweet Shin Music" which is Shawn Michaels' "Sweet Chin Music" parody finisher was created which has been used in BWE. BWE originated at Office Depot, so check the second installment if you haven't seen how it came to be yet!

One day, a cashier that caused problems for many people on the floor had made me upset after he repeatedly paged me of the intercom. He was a very heavyset individual that often wore work shirts that he couldn't button all the way up. And what's worse is that he would often lean over the register while hardly ever lifting a hand to help out a customer if they needed something heavy carried for them. So after his non-stop paging as well as telling me to hurry up with a customer, I decided to create a new nickname for him: UPS. No, not because he worked in the UPS section or that he did any kind of shipping. Nor did I mean it stood for United Parcel Service. UPS stood for Unemployed Porn Star because of him not buttoning up the shirt! Sabre and my buddy Paul(the same one who impersonated Paul McCartney) laughed hysterically at that one. Funny thing is, he was CSM and later would have all kinds of conflicts with our store manager which no one liked or respected.

When working at both stores, we used to see initials all the time like PPP(Product Protection Plan) as well as CSM(Customer Service Manager). So we decided to change them to our own. Here's some of them:

CSM: Can't Stand Management instead of Customer Service Manager by Sabre Blade
CPC: Customer Pounding Center instead of Copy & Print Center by me
FCSI: Freakin' Can't Stand Idiots instead of Fanatical Customer Service Index by me
PPP: Punch, Pound, Pummel instead of Product Protection Plan by Sabre

As you can see, we were not a group that always played by the rules. LOL! If you want to see what I think is the funniest moment ever in either store, then click the first installment. I guarantee you will not stop laughing at that story!

Okay, that's going to do it for this edition of Depot Heavies. In the next chronicle, I'll talk about management corruption that you don't see everyday. Thanks for viewing!

Posted in: Depot Chronicles, Depot Heavies, humor

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