Depot Heavies Volume 3: Texas Hold 'Em Moments

Before I get started with this, I was tagged again late last night by my good friend Amy. It was for the 25 Things About Me tag that I received initially on Facebook by my good friend morrisseyweb. Since Amy was gracious enough to take the time to mention and tag me, here's the link for those who didn't see it the first time: 25 Things About David Funk. I don't want to delete the entry, along with the comments, so you can check that out if you like.

OK, some of you are asking what the heck is Depot Heavies? Well, this is where I talk about my days working at two different Office Depot stores in which many crazy and funny moments took place. I've often been told that a book could easily be written for some of the stuff that happened at both stores. Heavies is just a slang term I use for chronicles, so that you know. Since it has been awhile between posting these, I wanted to update with another here. Here are the first two volumes of Depot Heavies:

Depot Heavies Volume 1: What The Funk?
Depot Heavies Volume 2: The Image Game

After transferring to the Harrisburg, Pennsylvania Office Depot store, that's where some of the funniest moments I've ever witnessed in my life took place. Birdbrainz(Philly The Kid which as you saw is in BWE and is my real-life friend who will comment on here from time to time) along with Bobby(we called him Nostrodomus) and Jeff(who was called Soupy) were just the crazy-type of people that made me fit in perfectly. It was tough to live up to the guys in the High Point store because of the stunts(especially the sendoff which is in Volume 1). But they did that in their own way in this store.

During lunch breaks, you could find these three on Tuesdays and Thursdays playing Texas Hold 'Em in the break room. If I was there, I would sometimes play as well. Out of the bunch, birdbrainz was the veteran player who was very good at the game. Bobby and Soupy weren't bad either. What made this so unique and hilarious wasn't the game itself. It was the bets that were made during the games. And no, money wasn't part of it either. They would play for most of the break, and then have a final game in which a crazy bet was at stake. It got to a point where I was looking forward to Tuesdays and Thursdays when all of us were working for the Texas Hold 'Em games.

Before I arrived in the store, Soupy lost a bet in which he was literally under contract not to slap birdbrainz for a year(they used to slap each other in the face and such playing around). This was the kind of thing I liked to see, but I give credit to those guys for sticking out the bets. Thankfully, I can say I didn't lose any bets in which I had to embarrass myself, but that was also in part because I didn't play in that many either.

One of the first bets I remember very well was something I didn't take part in. The bet was that whoever lost had to grab themselves in front of our cashier on the register that day. Bobby lost that one, and grabbed himself in front of the cashier with us watching! That literally had us all in tears! But oh, it gets better!

Another time(which I did take part in), the bet was whoever lost had to go to our store manager and tell him that you were gay. I remember very well that Soupy and I tied for the best hand which eliminated us both from losing the bet. So the bet came down to birdbrainz and Bobby. Birdbrainz lost that one, and he stumbled the words like most anyone would when he said he was gay in front of the store manager! Priceless moment that nearly had us in tears, too. Birdbrainz said this was his worst moment of all.

I think the funniest and craziest bet happened in which the loser had to wear a Darth Vader mask around the entire business complex we were in. At the time, Star Wars Episode 3 came out, and masks were being sold all over the place. Soupy is a huge Darth Vader fan(if you don't believe me, I'll give you his cell number which his message says you've reached, "Lord Vader").

Anyway, the person with the worst hand coincidentally enough was Soupy. Birdbrainz and Bobby rode in Bobby's truck to watch Soupy go around the entire complex with that Darth Vader mask. I watched and followed on the walkway and we were all in tears laughing already. But when Soupy got to the video store at the other end of the complex, two kids tried to walk outside. As soon as they saw Soupy with the Darth Vader mask on, they immediately cried for their mom as they went back inside the store! I felt bad for the kids, but we couldn't help ourselves from laughing hysterically at what just happened! Oh yeah, did I mention that it was summer time when Soupy was wearing that Darth Vader mask? LOL!

Birdbrainz told me about some of the other bets. One of them was the loser had to lick the urinal(thank God I wasn't there for that one!). Bobby lost that one. He didn't get sick though. They had some other ones, too.

I think I have to say out of all the bets, the one with the Darth Vader mask was the funniest of them all. When I went to PA during December for vacation this past year, birdbrainz, Bobby, and I hung out. We discussed just about all the funniest moments in that store, and the Texas Hold 'Em bets were right up there. As I said, I'll cover the rest of them in future entries.

While we all got frustrated at times in retail, we did do our best to have fun when time allowed us. This was definitely one of the ways in which we did. They were all good guys, but this is how we had our fun.

For those that want to know how BWE originated, then check out Volume 2 on the link provided. You'll find out just how crazy I was as well as the guys I worked with, too.

Oh yeah, the Press Conference for Philly The Kid regarding BWE is coming very soon. You'll have to find out what it is about when it comes. You won't want to miss it.

Thanks for viewing, and I hope you enjoyed this installment of Depot Heavies!

Posted in: bets, Depot Chronicles, humor, retail, Texas Hold 'Em

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