RBD Insurance for Bloggers

Originally posted on February 19, 2008 on my Sporting News blog and on this on January 11, 2009.
Note: This is just a parody and is NOT real. Much of this is based on SN, too.

We've opened up the Sporting News Disease & Wellness Clinic. We've opened up Blog-Aid Pharmacies. But no one would be able to afford any of these without blog insurance, right? Well, here's the insurance plan......

RBD Insurance for SN Bloggers:

Monthly premiums: $25 per month for individual. $15 per month for any registered blogger dependents. The RBD Insurance does NOT cover dependents that are not registered bloggers for their respective employer or site.

Deductibles: Members must pay a $500 deductible annually. None of the blog care diseases will be covered if diagnosed until the deductible is met. You maybe required to have several visits to the Blog Help clinics as well as several prescription refills until the deductible is met in order for the RBD Insurance Plan starts to pay for your care.

Co-payments: Members must pay $10 for each visit, service, or to obtain a blog prescription. The co-payment must be paid everytime a service is done for the insured member.

Co-insurance: Members must pay 25 percent of the cost of blog surgery while RBD covers the other 75 percent. Only qualifying blog surgery procedures will be covered by the RBD Insurance Plan.

Exclusions: Coverage will not begin for anyone until the member has blogged for 90 days and they have posted a minimum of 20 blog entries. RBD Insurance will not cover any member until both the 90-day period and the 20-blog entry limit is met. The member will be expected to pay non-covered services until they are officially insured under the RBD Insurance Plan. Members who are at one-star status will NOT be covered by the RBD Insurance Plan. Any member who switches ID's will have to wait 30 days before the RBD Insurance Plan continues coverage for the qualifying blogger again. RBD Insurance only covers blog diseases, blog ailments, and blog sicknesses that are listed in the plan. The member agrees to pay out-of-pocket for all other uncovered diseases, ailments, and sicknesses. Anyone found to use an additional ID without verfication from the employer to obtain insurance from RBD Insurance is considered fraud and punishable by federal law and is subject to a fine in accordance with state laws.

Coverage Limits: RBD Insurance will only pay up to $1,500 for blog care. All members under the plan will be expected to pay out-of-pocket expenses in excess of the coverage limit.

Out-Of-Pocket Maximums: There is no maximum out-of-pocket expenses in the RBD Insurance Plan.

Prescription Drug co-payments: Members must pay $10 for any blog drug prescription. RBD Insurance will cover the rest up to the maximum coverage limit.

RBD Insurance offers direct depositing per month at the rates listed above. SN User Blog Cards are not accepted.

Service providers under the RBD Insurance Plan:

Sporting News Disease & Wellness Clinic: Any licensed physician or doctor is a legal provider under the plan.
Blog-Aid Pharmacies: Any participating Blog-Aid Pharmacy is a legal provider under the plan. No other drug stores are providers under the plan.

Here are the blog-related ailments that are covered in the RBD Insurance Plan:

CPS(Copy & Paste Syndrome)
Trollism
BVCS(Blog View Cheating Syndrome)
FSAD(Five-Star Anxiety Disorder)
HTD(Hijacking Thread Disease)
TDV(Thumbs Down Virus)
PCD(Posting Compulsive Disorder)
PBS(Post Bashing Syndrome)
IBS(Irritable Bashing Syndrome)
MRD(Message Replying Disorder)
FGPS(Fantasy Game Playing Syndrome)
Homeritis
MIDI(Multiple IDentification Infection)
LCD(Length Contentless Disorder)
ICP(Internet Control Plague)

Blog Prescription Drugs covered by the RBD Insurance Plan:
Unplagiarizime for CPS(Copy & Paste Syndrome)
BSF(Brain Serum Formula) for Trollism
Unrefresholose for BVCS(Blog View Cheating Syndrome)
Ratinglozoft for FSAD(Five Star Anxiety Disorder)
Threadaloid for HTD(Hijacking Thread Disease)
Unresponside for TDV(Thumbs Down Virus)
Postitol for PCD(Posting Compulsive Disorder), PBS(Post Bashing Syndrome), and IBS(Irritable Bashing Syndrome)
Replax for MRD(Message Replying Disorder)
Fantasyod for FGPS(Fantasy Game Playing Syndrome)
Objecticide for Homeritis
IDiola for MIDI(Multiple IDentification Infection)
Tryeditex for LCD(Length Contentless Disorder)
*Insanelozol to properly enhance creative insanity

*-There is no alternative medication to help enhance the creativity in a blogger. With express written permission from your employer or administrator, this drug can be legally prescribed only by a physician under the RBD Insurance Plan until a legal alternative is created. This went into effect starting January 1, 2008 because of the difficulty of finding another medicine to replace Insanelozol with.


My RBD Insurance Card

Front of the card:

RBD Insurance
Basic Bloganomics

ID: David Funk aka Big Sooners fan
David Funk and covered dependents

For member services, please contact
Or call 1-FOR-RBD-BLOG

Insurance Affordable Choices

Back of the RBD Insurance Card:

Blog Care Provider: The member listed on the front of the card has been properly enrolled under the limited major blogging plan sponsored by the employer listed on the front of the card. Covered members are entitled to extended benefits under the blogging plan, but are subject to exclusions and/or limitations. This card does NOT guarantee coverage and can be revoked by the employer at any time without prior notice. For verification of entry coverage, posting blog replies, discounted friend purchases, or any other questions in accordance to the blogging plan, contact us at the number printed on the front of the card or mail us at the address below.

Insured bloggers: Network Sporting News Disease & Wellness physicians, blogging pharmacies, and other blog care providers are neither agents nor employees of RBD Insurance.

Reliable Blog Distribution Insurance Services
P.O. Box 2100
Charlotte, NC

Here are the companies that are currently using RBD Insurance:

Basic Bloganomics
Rated R Network: No one in that company, including Paul H(wwefreak), has been approved for taking Insanelozol. wwefreak thinks he should be included because he's the CIA, but so far, no such approval has taken place by Jeff Gerttula.
Sporting News: They work in cooperation with RBD Insurance, and they do have authorization to terminate coverage for any blog or company participation without notice. Jeff Gerttula is the only one who can co-sign for a member to take Insanelozol with a legal prescription.
National Blogging League(NBL): RBD Insurance covers bloggers and even offers a view-sharing plan for qualified applicants.

Note: BWE Promotions is not included in the RBD Insurance plan in accordance to laws prohibiting wrestlers of having insurance while performing. Insurance while performing can be purchased at the consent of the wrestler and they must pay full costs according to their plan.

In case anyone wants to know, I have met Jeff Gerttula face to face and he provided a medical release form for my legalized prescription to Insanelozol. If anyone at SN needs verification of that form, I can easily provide one. Try me, I dare you!

Note: BDP(Blogger's Drug Policy) is still the same with the exception of the new law for Insanelozol. Check back to the above mentioned link under the Blog-Aid Pharmacies one for more about that policy. It shocks me that they passed a law for a legal prescription of Insanelozol, but Congress is pushing the issue of performance-enhancing drugs in Major League Baseball. Then again, George J. Mitchell had no say in that decision!

Posted in: blog, blogger, blogs, humor, Insurance, RBD Insurance, Sporting News

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