Basic Bloganomics

This was originally posted on May 30, 2007 on my Sporting News blog and is completely related to that community.



Hello again members from Sporting News. Welcome to the Sporting News Disease & Wellness Clinic. This is a help center for those who have had mental, physical, or life-threatening ailments to come and get treatment for them. The moderator staff is more than equiped to take on any life challenges that you face. Here are the specific diseases and ailments that we treat and what we prescribe to those who are officially diagnosed with them:

1. Copy & Paste Syndrome(CPS): CPS is a very serious condition that requires immediate treatment. If you have a hard time thinking straight, coming up with new ideas, laziness, constant urges to copy one's work, and/or copying and pasting uncontrollably, then you likely have CPS. CPS is also named after the famous blogger, Cutten Paste, who disappeared without a trace after stealing one's work and not being able to keep himself under control by doing so. CPS has no cure, but there is a leading medication that will help alleviate the symptoms described here.

Prescription: Unplagiarizime
Unplagiarizime is fast-timed release pills that will help to fight the symptoms of CPS. Unplagiarizime will give you the ability to create new material without the laziness that is associated with CPS. Those taking Unplagiarizime noticed a difference immediately because of the fast-timed release formula.
Side effects: Upset stomach, headaches(due to being able to think more often before you post), thumbing and running, offensive posting, and unobjectiveness. Most of the side effects are generally mild, and possible stomach and head problems can lead to a more offensive-minded poster with the other side effects. Be sure to check with a SNDWC physician or moderator on the correct dosage. Should be taken with food and not on an empty stomach.

2. Trollism: Trollism is very serious condition. It is defined as continued offensive or unrelated posting that one does despite the fact of the harmful effects of the person that is writing them. Those who are dependent on trolling have to rely mentally on being able to post offensively to maintain their mental stability. Those who are addicted to offensive or unrelated posting with trollism have said they benefit socially with others. However, most trolls(the official name for those who are diagnosed with trollism) do not have many friends, and some have none at all.

Prescription: Brain Serum Formula(BSF)
BSF is a fast-acting medication that works cooperately with the neurotransmitters in your brain to reverse the mental and emotional effects of trollism. Depending on the troll or individual taking BSF, it varies on how long it takes to see results. BSF=The Troll Anti-Virus! BSF is a natural cure for trollism.
Side effects: Posting with creative insanity, posting many replies on blogs, propping others too much within your blog entries, and the sudden urge to become a wrestling fanatic. These side effects are generally serious, so be sure to check with your SNDWC doctor before taking it.

3. Blog View Cheating Syndrome(BVCS): BVCS is considered a mild condition by some, but more severe by other physicians. I guess it depends on who you ask. BVCS is an ailment or sickness that occurs when someone refreshes a blog in the form of another ID or without signing into their account. This is an addicting condition that most patients that are diagnosed with have to take some form of medication for. Getting away from studying blog view numbers is a step towards curing this ailment, but medication is the best shot at getting rid of it.

Prescription: Unrefresholose
Unrefresholose is slow-timed released medication in liquid or tablet form that works effectively in controlling the urging pulses of the patient's hands from clicking the refresh button on their page. It does take time to work effectively, but taken everyday can produce quicker results for some.
Side effects: Refusal to write more blog entries, checking other non-blog view related numbers too often, nervousness, and loss of appetite. Most of these side effects are mild. However, you should consult with a physician if you experience any of these symptoms.

4. Five Star Anxiety Disorder(FSAD): Five Star Anxiety Disorder has fast become one of the most common ailments. Those diagnosed with FSAD are anxious in trying to become five star members. Constant worrying, nervousness, blushing, or getting in a severe emotional state of self-worthlessness on SN are signs of FSAD. It is a specific kind of anxiety disorder, so be careful not confuse it with others out there. Confusion as to why they are not five stars is a sign of FSAD as well.

Prescription: Ratinglozoft
Ratinglozoft is a slow-timed release medication in tablet form only. It helps to control the anxiety of FSAD by supressing the patient into a calm state while visiting SN. It should be taken at the smallest dose possible initially, then gradually increasing over time.
Side effects: Constant fatigue, dizziness, dry mouth, and sudden increase in appetite. These are considered mild.

5. Hijacking Thread Disease(HTD): Hijacking Thread Disease has some simularities to trollism, but it is not a dependent state of mind for those diagnosed. HTD is a disease for those who interrupt threads or forums by constantly writing about a subject that has nothing to do with the topic at hand. They suddenly hijack or take over a thread by starting a completely irrelevant conversation with their post. This is considered more serious than trollism.

Prescription: Threadaloid
Threadaloid is preventive medicine that helps to keep patients with HTD from writing irrelevant posts. Over time, it acts like a very controlled serum that helps brain functionality reach its peak for the patient taking it. A small dosage should be taken initially, then gradually increase in dosage over a period of time.
Side effects: Inactiveness, headaches, dry mouth, and restlessness. These are considered mild to moderate.

6. Thumbs Down Virus(TDV): Thumbs Down Virus was at one point very widespread, but the breakout has since been tamed somewhat. Those with TDV thumb down uncontrollably without ever being seen from others if they come in contact with a blog or post that they cannot give a respectible reply back to. Also, the virus controls their mind on who in particular to thumb down as well. Some actually just want to thumb and run without any reason at all. The virus gives them peace of mind and a feeling of belonging somewhere.

Prescription: Unresponside
Unresponside helps patients to not reply or respond to posts or blogs by supressing their minds. Results are usually very quick for patients, so the dosage isn't as much of a factor as most medications.
Side effects: Unattentiveness to your own posts or blogs, blurred vision, and restlessness. These are generally mild.

7. Posting Compulsive Disorder: Posting Compulsive Disorder is when a patient has an obsession with posting on the message boards or blogs. Patients constantly think about posting as well as writing them. It hinders their ability to do their job as well as possibly hurting their personal lives. This disorder can be cured if the patient is diagnosed properly for it.

Prescription: Postitol
Postitol is a fast-timed release medication that relaxes the patient's brain and body while they are on-line. It helps them to contribute more on a sporting site with no bashing whatsoever and is not habit-forming. The smallest dose possible should be taken as this is not considered as serious of an ailment in the medical field.
Side effects: Sleeplessness, dizziness, and posting rationally too much. These are generally mild, but you should notify your doctor if you experience these side effects.

8. Post Bashing Syndrome: Post Bashing Syndrome is considered a very serious medical condition. Some symptoms of Post Bashing Syndrome are constant use of profanity on posts, hateful remarks, insulting others, threatening members, and/or obscene posting.

Prescription: Postitol
Postitol is a fast-timed release medication that relaxes the patient's brain and body while they are on-line. It helps them to contribute more on a sporting site with no bashing whatsoever and is not habit-forming. A stronger dosage of Postitol can help fight Irritable Bashing Syndrome.
Side effects: Sleeplessness, dizziness, and posting rationally too much. These are generally mild, but you should notify your doctor if you experience these side effects.

9. Message Replying Disorder(MRD): MRD is the constant and uncontrollable replying to messages in the form of private messaging, blogging, news section, or message boards. Patients diagnosed with MRD will reply to nearly every message that they read. It is considered a serious, but rare ailment.

Prescription: Replyax
Replayax helps to control the patient from replying obsessively to all comments or articles that they read. The results of Replyax vary depending on the patient, but some experienced fast results by taking it as prescribed.
Side effects: Fatigue, huge reduction in reading articles, constant bowel movements, and inactiveness. These are considered mild to moderate.

10. Fantasy Game Playing Syndrome(FGPS): FGPS is an addictive condition where a patient will play every fantasy sports game and/or have multiple teams in one particular game playing, sometimes many. Patients that play fantasy games on multiple sites with many teams are considered at a high risk and a more serious form of FGPS.

Prescription: Fantasyod
Fantasyod is a very potent formula that helps curb the addiction one has to play many games or have alot of fantasy teams at once. This is also considered an anti-depressant that a patient may also feel from playing too many games at once.
Side effects: Inactiveness, constant fatigue, and rejecting all game invites that the patient receives from others. These are considered serious.

11. Irritable Bashing Syndrome: Irritable Bashing Syndrome is very simular to Post Bashing Syndrome. The only difference is Irritable Bashing Syndrome is when a person is easily irritated by anything that another member writes no matter if they agree with them or not. This usually leads to them replying back in a very negative tone, and that is where the confusion between Irritable Bashing Syndrome and Post Bashing Syndrome occurs. However, this is the more serious of the two.

Prescription: Postitol
Postitol is a fast-timed release medication that relaxes the patient's brain and body while they are on-line. It helps them to contribute more on a sporting site with no bashing whatsoever and is not habit-forming. A smaller dosage of Postitol can help fight Post Bashing Syndrome.
Side effects: Sleeplessness, dizziness, and posting rationally too much. These are generally mild, but you should notify your doctor if you experience these side effects.

12. Homeritis: Homeritis is a very serious, but curable ailment. Homeritis is when a person believes that his team(s) are above anything else, and they will pick them to win everytime with the lack of an objective analysis as to how. A more serious form of Homeritis is when a team of second-tier players are picked to win a sporting event or game when they honestly know that there is no chance of that happening.

Prescription: Objecticide
Objecticide is a slow-timed released medication in tablet form that helps progress the patient to a more functionable brain. Some do see results within a week, but that is very rare. An increase in dosage amount may be administered under proper supervision.
Side effects: Fatigue, reduction in the amount of replies, and feelings of sadness.

13. Multiple IDentification Infection(MIDI): MIDI is a very contagious infection that is caused when a patient creates more than one identity and uses them both frequently. Those who use more than one, but uses their main ID do not have this serious infection. When another ID is created, then those patients likely will be infected and will cause more ID's to be circulating around a particular site.

Prescription: IDiola
IDiola is a fast cure for MIDI. It works as a shield to prevent the spreading of the infection as well as a supplement to fight it off for the remainder of one's life, too.
Side effects: Obsessive posting under main ID, overactiveness, sleeplessness, and sending too many friend invites.

14. Internet Control Plague(ICP): ICP is a newly discovered disease which is defined as those who feel the need to control blogs/websites that do not intellectually belong to them. It is also defined as those who feel forced into reading and/or replying on a site in their own mind which leads them into feeling they've lost a sense of intellectual freedom. Further tests have proven that those who post publicly and anonymously with threatening and/or abusive insults as well as stalking victims relentlessly in an attempt to gain power over them has complications of this disease.

Prescription: Restrainex
Restrainex, in its purest slow-timed release form, can help control the neurotransmitters in one's brain to where they focus more clearly on their own blog and not on what others are doing on their own site(s). It also cooperates with the person's nervous system as the patient begins to feel the need to not view, comment, or associate with those blogs or people they don't like. It helps them revert back to having a freedom of choice as to how they decide to spend their time on the internet.
Side effects: Inactiveness, excitability, extreme fatigue, increase in appetite, loss of interest in posting. These are considered serious side effects, so consult your physician if problems occur.

These are all the diseases, ailments, and sicknesses that we can treat at this time. When others become noticeable in our society, we will properly inform the community of them with a strong effort to find a cure for them. So if you or someone you know has any symptoms of these particular ailments, then you are strongly urged to call for an appointment at 1-800-SNCRAZY. Our hours are Monday-Friday. Thank you in advance and we hope that you find the info above useful.